We’re here to give you the ultimate zombie apocalypse preparation list to get you ready for the worst. With all that is going on in the world today, from unprecedented weather events to turmoil in the Middle East, you may well think that things couldn’t get any worse (and I’m not talking about the presidential nominees).
The only thing that could make them any worse is a zombie apocalypse, and I’m getting the feeling that some people would actually welcome such an extreme scenario. Just so we could forget some of the other problems that we have made for ourselves.
Zombies do get a pretty bad press and their brain eating antics surely warrant this, but you have to feel a little sorry for the undead. It’s not as if they can walk into a PR firm and mumble something about being misunderstood after they had laid waste to the security guards. There is no reasoning with these relentless ghouls so the best thing we can do is be prepared for the inevitable, as it is surely not a matter of if, but when they rise up and try to force us to join their number.
Preparation List 101
It really goes without saying but I’m going to say it anyway. You are going to need a gun, or better yet many guns, and a lot of ammo. But we will get to that a little later, first off some of the more boring essentials.
Think of a zombie apocalypse as like a camping trip, but instead of going forward and exploring the great unknown you are running away from the wholly undead. A good backpack to store all your kit and provisions is a must, as is a sleeping bag. Sooner or later you are going to have to get a nap, or else you will become vulnerable and end up taking ‘the long sleep.’
A little stove for heating meals, a good waterproof lighter for lighting the fuses on booby traps or a cigarette (cigarettes are important as you will want to throw one down onto a trail of gasoline with a witty one-liner at some point). If you have a tent it is probably best to bring it along, but don’t waste time going out and buying one. Zombies have a penchant for shopping areas so take what you have. Besides that fact, tents are notoriously hard to defend. Anyway there are plenty of deserted cabins in the woods that you can commander for your last stand.
Zombie Apocalypse Tips
It is important to stay calm and be practical. Some food, a few gallons of water and some good quality earplugs to drown out the unearthly moaning are a must. A folding shovel and a good length of rope are always good to sling over your shoulder. Even if you don’t get the chance to use them you will at least look pretty cool and inspire confidence in the rest of your group.
A first aid kit is important for non-zombie related injuries, but if your friend has been infected then unfortunately, a 12 gauge is what they need. Morale will be important when holed up, so a deck of cards or a chess set can help pass the time. And don’t forget to have a lamp and a couple of flashlights. A short wave radio is also worth packing, as is a hand wound charger for all your electrical devices. You will want to keep in contact with the rest of the world (or what is left of it) and you will no doubt get many likes and re-tweets from the real world Blair Witch selfies you will surely post.
A pocketknife or two are invaluable for many eventualities and are absolutely essential. However, they are only going to be so good as a last resort when it come to self-defense. When it come to blades a hatchet, just like a machete, can double as both a practical woodcraft tool and pretty cool zombie slaying weapon. But who are we kidding here, you are going to need guns and when it come to zombies bigger is better.
A handgun is good to have on your hip incase you get disarmed. It can also be useful for human crowd control if the unprepared are trying to take advantage of your well guarded position. A Glock 17 should make sure you have no problems in this department. A shot gun will give a nice spread, particularly if you have taken the time to saw off the barrel. This is a great gun for shooting over your shoulder as you run away while being overrun (just like in the movies).
If you really want to defend yourself and your loved ones there is really only one option. The good old-fashioned assault rifle. Good from distance and at close range, something like an AR-15 is your friend in any apocalypse, whether it is zombie related or otherwise.
So let’s hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. When the time comes you don’t want to be the first to go down.
Image credit via Flickr Creative Commons: Thierry E